Tag: family

The Faithless Logician

I go by J Snow because im a bastard from the north and my first initial is J. I like Jon Snow but Arya & Jaime Are my favorite characters. The Faithless Logician because i most certainly am faithless. And Logician because that’s what a personality test i took called me, and i liked it.

I’m an Artist, Writer, Creator with a degree in Electronic Engineering, from the finest for-profit Technical Institution around ! ; ) A former born again christian, clearminded for 5 yrs or so. A former drunk, fairly dry for close to 10. And a former heroin user, clean since 1-18-18

I have always struggled with anxiety & depression, using drugs & alcohol and religion as a crutch, but only after i sought actual professional help was i able to drop the crutch and move forward!

And for me, moving forward involves speaking my mind, and creating content that i find pertinent, whether that be in the realm of politics, religion, science, anime, manga, asoiaf or whatever i find of importance at any given time.

I love Hockey (Go Pens!!) anime & manga (SNK & such), sci-fi & fantasy (especially ASOIAF!) but i absolutely abhor high-priced fan-fic ; )

I know nothing. but i would like to find out, and you’re more than welcome to join me : )

Youtube ~ J Snow The Faithless Logician (content coming soon)

Deviant Art ~ JSnow81

Blog ~ JSnow.blog

Twitter ~ the Faithless Logician @JSnow81

Patreon.com/J_Snow

Happiness

Here’s another dark one i wrote a few yrs back, at the height of my depression. Luckily, i am very Happy to report that for about the past year, for the first time in my adult life, i am above water. And once and awhile i’m even able to enjoy the moment and just breath. The lows are still there, but much more manageable. I wish i could tell you the magic bullet to fix everything, but i’m afraid it’s not that simple, and most like, different for each individual. But if i can give one piece of advice, it would be, to be as honest with yourself as you can and except what you find.

 

I have stumbled upon shards of this shiny thing known as happiness, as not to be completely ignorant of its existence. I have caught reflected glimpses of it’s refracted beauty, even felt it’s warmth a time or two. Yet I have never been able to fully enjoy it, as others, for it only seems to cut deeper the harder I try to grasp it. Or grow so cold to the touch as to burn.

I could not tell you what it is to be in a state of happiness, though. Honestly I would be “happy” to be content. It seems to me, whether it be romance or ambition,  one person’s happiness is another’s agony, but what would I know.

I do not wish to cause pain yet I know my lack of joy has not gone unnoted and it, in turn, causes its own suffering for those that have a care for me. If it wasn’t for this hard truth, I would have given up on the mythical creature long ago. Chalking it up to, yet another, luxury that shall remain ever beyond my reach.

I do not begrudge those that are truly happy. I may not understand their blissful nature, nor the ease at which some seem to emanate this wonder. I only hope they cherish the gift, while it is whole and beautiful, and theirs to hold, for once it breaks, it is sure to maim any who try to make sense of the shattered remnants.

Hello, my name is Jason 3/3

I hadn’t planed on this coming out on American Thanksgiving (if i get done in time) but i’m glad it has, because i have so, so much, to be thankful for. First and foremost, i am grateful & thankful for my incredible loving caring supportive family. Especially my mom, who has, and continues too, support me, both financially & morally, as i try to figure out this thing called life. I could never possibly repay her for all she’s done for me, and our family. She truly is a super hero in my eyes. I just hope to make her latter days as enjoyable and peaceful, as i made her youth chaotic and worrisome : )

I’m truly thankful for, and humbled by, the unwarranted amount of good ppl that still, after everything i put them through, call me friend. Thanks for waiting for me, even though i didn’t deserve it

I’m thankful for, once again, winning the cosmic lottery and awaking to an immersive conscious experience we call life!

I’m thankful, and grateful to all that take the time to read this, or check out any of my other work.

Most of all, though, right now, i am grateful, and quite astonished, to be in a position, a state of mind, where i do not feel a need or desire to stick poison in my vain. Even more surprising though, is that i’m okay. Happy even. Which is all still fairly new, and exciting, and a little bit scary. But its okay : )

Have a great Turkey day wherever you are! Hopefully, one day, everybody will get to be Okay

Letter 3https://docs.google.com/document/d/1U59u4huLrGT8MVgfLMSeEtwZTt0TKMNDbkBPbDM3n3s/edit?usp=drivesdk/3

I’ll post the comments you cant see in the pdf in a couple days, for this letter and the others

Hello, my name is Jason 2/3

After writing the first letter, i became flooded with, emotions, memories, and a drive to keep going. Thankfully, now, i finally had a tool to deal with the surge. In the past, i kept anything & everything concerning the “real me” well hidden from, first and foremost, myself. I would just shove it down into the darkness as deep as i could, and do my best to ignore it.

But now that i have faced my demons head on, there is no reason to be afraid : )

I never actually finished this letter, but it covers a lot of key points, and i think it does a great job at showcasing the chaotic state of my mind at the time. I was just coming off the drugs when i started this one; around Jan/Feb of 2018. but my Grandma got sick in march. She has since recovered, thankfully, but by the time i went back to the letter (june-ish), i had more clean time under my belt, and was seeing things more clearly, in general. so i just started, what would become, the 3rd and final letter in this series. And for as discombobulated as this one is, the last one is coherent, so bear with me : )

unfortunately, i was unable to load anything but the PDF version, which doesn’t allow you to click or view any of the comment or inserts i made. I shall try to remedy that while you, hopefully, enjoy. Happy Thanksgiving to all, btw

Hello, my name is Jason 2/3

Hello, my name is Jason 1/3

The easiest way to introduce myself is going to be the way, i myself, got to know me.

Sadly, for most my life, i believed this cosmic boon of existence was nothing more than a pit stop on to something much greater & more important, or at least a little less angst filled & bloody senseless.

As i got older, i realized that was just wishful thinking, a fairytale for adults. But instead of this being the last nail in my self-made coffin of solitude, it gave me Hope! As well as, the freedom to explore and get to know the real me. (without the fear of not living up to some unattainable imaginary standard.)

During the summer of 2017, i want on an extended family vacation to south carolina. I hadn’t seen or really talked (completely my fault) to some of them for yrs. and they, catholics, hadn’t been aware that a was an atheist, yet. Which wasnt a huge deal because im lucky enough to have been brought up in a really tight, loving, family. But instead of bringing it up casually, as i had planed, it came out the first night, after a long day of drinking and travailing, and drinking, lol

We decided not to talk about it for the rest of the week, for the sake of the vacation. After i got back, though, i wanted to apologize for the rudeness in my approach, plus i still wanted to say what i had to say, so i wrote what turned out to be the first of three letters. Thankfully, only the first is about religion, but all three helped not only by unlocking a hidden talent, but it helped me discover who i am, and what it is i want to do with this precious boon that i have been bestowed!

Each is addressed to my uncle T (we’ll call him) my mothers eldest brother. My mom had me when she was young, and my dad died when i was two, so from my view at the time, i was lucky enough to be brought up by both my uncles, my mom and of course Granny cat, in a great big loving house where there always seemed to be something going one. which is partly why i don’t address either of them as “uncle”. Some find this disrespectful, but to me, they are more like older brothers &/or father figures, so calling them mere uncles would be the insult, in my eyes. so without further ado, here’s letter 1/3
Firstletter (complete)

The Faithless Logician

I go by J Snow because im a bastard from the north and my first initial is J. I like Jon Snow but Arya & Jaime Are my favorite characters. The Faithless Logician because i most certainly am faithless. And Logician because that’s what a personality test i took called me, and i liked it.

I’m an Artist, Writer, Creator with a degree in Electronic Engineering, from the finest for-profit Technical Institution around ! ; ) A former born again christian, clearminded for 5 yrs or so. A former drunk, fairly dry for close to 10. And a former heroin user, clean since 1-18-18

I have always struggled with anxiety & depression, using drugs & alcohol and religion as a crutch, but only after i sought actual professional help was i able to drop the crutch and move forward!

And for me, moving forward involves speaking my mind, and creating content that i find pertinent, whether that be in the realm of politics, religion, science, anime, manga, asoiaf or whatever i find of importance at any given time.

I love Hockey (Go Pens!!) anime & manga (SNK & such), sci-fi & fantasy (especially ASOIAF!) but i absolutely abhor high-priced fan-fic ; )

I know nothing. but i would like to find out, and you’re more than welcome to join me : )

Youtube – J Snow (content coming soon)

Deviant Art – JSnow81

Blog – JSnow.blog

Patreon.com/J_Snow